You know there are things that happen in your life when no matter how hard you try you just cant find it in you to pray to God.

I have came across this several times in my life, one time recently. I couldn’t pray. I just could not come to God as I normally would and pray as I normally do. The situation was just too much for me. And I just could not open my lips to talk to God.

While lying, trying to pray but words failing to come, God told me to be honest with Him. I started crying, went to my phone and started typing. And I was honest. Brutally. Typing exactly how I felt in a poem, I let Him know how I felt.

This was such a release for me. Because in telling me me to be honest with Him, in allowing me to speak my mind He was declaring to me “Barry, I know you really don’t want to talk to me right now but I care, right now, for what you are going through and how you feel”

I think we want to be respectful to God but I think at times this rightful desire to respect Him for all of who He is hinders our honesty with Him because we feel our honesty may be disrespectful. There is something we must understand here. Honesty with someone actually shows you respect them, it shows you love them, it shows you trust them. And in being honest with God, instead of seeming disrespectful God sees it as we love Him, trust Him and respect Him.

God can handle our honesty. He knows it already. Why does He need us to be honest then? Like all questions like this, it is for our ultimate good. Being false, lying, it tears at your soul. It only brings hurt in the end. In being honest with God He allows us to unload our feelings, fears and hurts. And in doing so it turns our eyes upward so we can ultimately see Him and turn our pain to praise.

If we want a real, deep, intimate relationship with God, it is only going to come through being honest with Him. Honesty is the fuel for intimacy. It is when you completely know someone you can be intimate with them, and that can only happen through being honest with them.
It may be hurtful at times. But the everlasting benefits outweigh the temporal suffering.

To conclude, here is how I was honest with God.

Its hard to know Your loving hands
In despair and hurt and pain
It’s hard to see just what is Your plan
When only doubt and fear remain

It’s hard to see the good in something
Which causes so much anguish, tears and sorrow
Hard to see the the joy in one thing
When there seems no hope for tomorrow

It’s hard to see how much You love me
When my tears never cease to fall
It’s hard to call You “Father”
When it seems You’re nowhere when I call

It’s hard to fully love You
When I can’t see where You are
And to trust You seems impossible
Because You often seem afar

And it’s hard to walk this road of life
Not seeing Your guiding hands
And to run the race – A non starter
Without just a glimpse of Your great plan

But You never said it would be easy
You never said I’d have an easy life
But You warned the enemy would attack
And you said a Cross would guide my life

And it may be hard to see
But I will look with all my might
To see Your love in my nephews smile
And through the light in my friends eyes

And it may be hard at times to call on You
But from the depths of me I will call
For You clothe each and every flower
And know each sparrow that may fall

And it may be hard to know
But I will search with all my strength
To comprehend Your faithfulness in the rising sun
And Your grandeur in a a grain of sand

It may be hard to see and know,
Walk or feel or run
But I know Your love for me is sure
This battle You have already one.

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